Alright, so it’s late on my end and I just cannot seem to fall asleep. No biggie, only have to wake up at 6am to walk the dog, get the kids ready for school and drop em off. Yeah easy stuff 😅
Anyhow, been thinking a lot about my career the past few days, as usual working over 60 hours every week, not being able to let go of slack on my phone. Responding to emails as soon as they come in, basically not being able to survive without looking at the notifications on my phone every 60 secs.
It does not help me the fact that I now have an Apple Watch so that exacerbates the problem because now I not only get notifications on my watch but that means that I also get to see them as soon as they come in.
Fun fact: Slack is the most used app on my phone. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry 🫣
I’m not trying to open up with a pity party here. All this was and is, a conscious decision that I made a long time ago when I started working and that was to make sure that i’m on top of everything. That my boss knows that i’m the hardest working person in the room, that I can prove to myself that I deserve the job that I have and this innate desire to be successful is satisfied.
When work swallows your life
You know it’s funny while writing this post I recall something that happened over 8-9 years ago. Me and my girlfriend at that time (now wife) bought our first ever car and we were driving to dinner, I think it was around 7 or 8pm, and lo and behold I get an email from one of the prospects that I was chasing that they can do a demo in the next 15 mins…
Yup you guessed, I turned right around and went straight to my dorm room and did that demo. Yes, I did end up closing that deal but somehow what I did that day, that memory is something I just cannot forget. It was because it was not right, what I did.
I see patterns now, back then I didn’t. Can’t pick up the kids from school, my wife can (she is my rock, she does most of the heavy lifting), can’t take my son to football practice, can’t make it to parent teacher meetings, can’t pick up my daughter from dance classes because i’m in meetings. Meetings all day long and no time to carve out for people that depend on me.
Ok, by now i’m marking myself as a shit and an absentee father. You know honestly sometimes I do feel that way, because in my pursuit to get a nicer house, better car, to give my kids a good education, I kind of disconnected from what mattered the most, my family. No amount of money can ever take their place. But I guess in this pursuit of constantly hustling I lost track of that.
The memories made with them are some of the most cherished memories that I have. The time I spend with them, the talks we have, movies we watch, games we play, it trumps any darn demo I would do, prospect I would close or a job that I would work.
Rightfully so, as it should. So why am I writing all this? Well, because it took me way too long to learn that and find out that there needs to be a balance in life. If you’re married to your work and all you can do is think about work all the time (just like me), then buddy I got some news for you, and that’s, you need to realign your goals and focus on things and people that actually matter in life.
That does not mean, you should quit your job tomorrow, get a van and starting traveling the globe with your kids. Well, actually if you want to and have the resources to do so, you absolutely should.
What I do want everyone to take away from my blabbering is that work will always be there, there will always be a crisis that would need solving. No amount of hours logged at work will ever be good enough. Especially, months where you are trailing behind on your targets. I really truly feel the anxiety that kicks in when that happens.
You know I give my everything to the companies I work for. Like my wife says, i’m the best employee any company can have, because I don’t complain, I bust my butt off day and night to make sure that the company is successful and i’m low maintenance (it took me a while to figure that one out). I guess it’s my mentality of paying back to the people who gave me a shot or just wanting to be successful because I don’t want to go back to the days when I was just slumming it. The whiskey sours, the BMW and a nice house, kids, well more responsibilities means the greater the fear that this all could come to an end at any moment.
So you continue to work and keep that front and center of your life and the only people you are doing all this for well you end up not giving them what matters the most. Your time and attention.
